period

got my period yesterday. finally.
feels great to menstruate.
a part of me is regretting going out last night and drinking a little bit and not getting much sleep. wanting to stay open to the intuitive message at this point in my cycle, and fearful that i might have somehow interfered with that. also don't want to negate all the amazing work i did in pilates. was feeling great in my body, and still am, but just a bit uncomfortable in the belly.
i'm going to release all these fears back into the universe and trust that i will receive the messages i need to, trust that my body will show me the way, trust that everything is blossoming at exactly the right time.
breathe....

say cheese

out last night with nuli and her new friend, i somehow found myself standing up and performing interpretive dances to embody different kinds of cheeses.

when i got home at 2am, still wired, i decided to create a video log of the experience...

dream dictation & divine inspiration

woke up early, still partly in dream land, after remembering a vivid dream.

in the dream:
i showed up to teach a workshop, but the people before me took so long that i didn't have time and everyone left except my mom and her friend. so i decided to improvise a performance instead of giving the workshop talk i had planned. i start stretching my leg in arabesque and speaking in a bad British accent, "I usta eat alotta peaches..." and went on to tell some of my own story.

i woke up at that moment and began writing as if someone was dictating to me. if i got stuck i would just stop and close my eyes and wait and then i would hear it and know what to write. it was amazing. i wrote 2 pages of material that i think finally links all the little pieces i've been trying to puzzle together.

maybe that's why i've been sleeping so much this week. i am in my luteal phase, so more receptive to divine inspiration ;)

success

they say that fear of success holds people back much more than fear of failure. i believe it. it's safe, easy, familiar to fail. success on the other hand, brings responsibility, pressure to continue succeeding, judgment, and the big one that gets me - people not liking you!
in school, i used to get answers wrong on tests on purpose just so i wouldn't get a 100% - i didn't want people to hate me because i was smarter than them.
so i think if i really want to be successful as an artist, i need to come to terms with the fact that not everyone will like me and not everyone will like my art. bottom line.
maybe i should start practicing?

MGP first round

met yesterday with the girls from Heather's workshop for our first MGP: Mostly Girls Performing.

it was great to be in a community of women creating and expressing and sharing.

i didn't have a piece so much as a whole bunch of crap to say in a search for some kind of coming together. i don't think i trusted myself enough. i wrote out this whole segment on Mom stories but i think it would've been better to keep it in written form. i tried to get it all in as i was performing, rather than just improvising and letting whatever needed to come out, come out. also, being premenstrual i'm not so great in the verbal department. so could've also just let my body speak and screwed the verbiage. i forget that that's an option.

a part of me feels like i should edit now and rewrite and solidify my ideas.
another part of me just wants to watch Dirty Dancing again.
i think i'll give in to the latter part.

dirty dancing

watched it again for the first time in years.
sobbed, cried, hard, hysterically. throughout the whole second half plus an extra hour afterwards.

amazing.

that "johnny castle" character.

i need to get a pair of keds and waist high jeans for the summer.

i feel like Baby.

i want to write a modern rendition of it.

how the world started

learned an incredible thing tonight from leah -

the moon's gravity is actually what created the earth!

i'm searching on wikipedia, but can't seem to find evidence to back up the theory.
that doesn't stop me from believing it's true.